The end is near, I hear, and this time the doomsday prophets might just be right. Look at the spate of earthquakes lately and it's easy to conclude that God might indeed be angry with us. Lord knows He's got enough reasons.
I'm a Catholic, actually, and we have a direct line to God on matters such as this. So I checked it out, and He said, yes. The world's going to end. Soon. Of course, Heaven time isn't the same as Eastern Standard, or exactly in lockstep with the atomic clock. So "soon" could mean anything.
It's all over the place, this Rapture crap, taken out of the Book of Revelation (which was penned a century or so after the crucifixion of Christ). It amounts to the angry rants of an offshoot sect of Christianity, not unlike the Book of Jubilees, which was not allowed into the Bible by the men who produced it.
Since they'll apparently believe anything, conservatives who say they're ready to go "home" should know that they're off the hook now, all kinds of hooks in fact. You've already stopped paying your mortgage... Now it seems as though you don't really have to pay for anything anymore. Because, you know, these are the End Times.
Who would pay their bills if they really believed the apocalypse was upon us? That kind of eliminates the need to pay taxes, too; it's not as though the heathens and blasphemes in Washington are going to do anything good with that money anyhow. To hell with the law.
If you think about it long enough, you'll realize that the Ten Commandments today are just as obsolete as the tax code. After all, not paying your mortgage and bills amounts to stealing, so there goes the one about not doing that. And down the whole thing tumbles.
Ask David Vitter or John Ensign (or a host of other good GOP family men) about Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery. Conservatives admire those people and champion them as their leaders. Basically, with the Big Ten out of fashion and the End Times upon us, you right-wingers can feel free to cuss out your parents, carve Buddahs from soap and violate your neighbor's donkey.
Oh, and you'll get to kill, because that's the real message of Christianity anyway. No more prohibition on that, and just in time, right? It's so much easier than building an ark...
That must be what was going through the head of Charles Wilson, 63, of Selah, Washington, who was arrested for making multiple death threats against Sen. Patty Murray. That's absolutely what was in the minds of the Hutaree militia in southeast Michigan, which planned to murder police officers in hopes of starting some sort of revolution.
Word to the wise: For those who would revolt, it will surely be the end of the world as they know it. This is not Bill Clinton's national defense. The last administration made a blunder of Biblical proportions in the Middle East a while back, and as a result, the National Guard is kind of on the hard and edgy side now.
Take your chances if you must, in Jesus' name I suppose. Have fun. And don't forget your Saint Christopher medal.
pH 4.o7.1o
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