We may as well close out the year with some degree of sheer irreverence. Web Guy, however, wants me to tear into a certain City of Phoenix peace officer who just screwed the PR pooch, or something like that. From the duly diligent (though pulseless) Arizona Republic:
An ongoing neighborhood squabble about a cat stuck in a tree led a Phoenix police officer into a flurry of public criticism Tuesday for confronting would-be rescuers in his pajamas with his gun drawn.
The officer hustled outside, flashing his badge, worried for a moment that an intruder interrupted his afternoon nap by climbing a ladder into his backyard near Bell Road and 12th Street.
Boiled down to salt, it looks like two things have happened here. Foremost, a cop cracked under the mildest of strain, cause enough for reasonable concern. Beyond that, it would seem these pet-people have apparently gotten under the wrong person's skin, and no wonder.
The media got involved because the Humane Society got involved, and so the dominoes fell. It bears mentioning that anyone who witnessed the scene - a man in his pee-jays running out into his yard waving a firearm - could've shot that officer in defense of any innocent bystander who might be in immediate life-threatening danger; so sayeth Arizona law.
The same lawbook also calls the policeman's actions a felony. You can't run outside your home brandishing a pistol, even if you happen to carry one at work. But, don't worry, nothing is going to happen to the policeman. The department is actually defending him in (or against) the press, saying that pet rescue isn't their job anyway.
This really isn't a bone I want to pick. Not with the Phoenix Department of Public Safety. Not after documenting the blatant racial profiling that took place in front of my home last year. Not after having once described their actions as terrorism for shooting a dog in Maryvale. Not after loudly deriding motorcycle patrolman Larry Peterson as "an asshole" and "a prick" a few years back...
Some fights, you walk away from. This might be one of them.
The problem is that I told Web Guy that I would say something about it. Specifically I vowed to urge those poor folks whose cats, God forbid, may happen to expire in the near future to dispose of the bodies in this particular cop's front yard. It's a form of social justice and it will save them money besides.
But I can't do that. Besides, the Blue Shield won't release this bozo's name and/or address. They're covering for him, because they know he's created this unnecessary mess. It's nothing new, nothing pretty, nothing worth looking at twice. It's a slice of reality. You suck on it like a lemon wedge, make a face, and move along.
What I really wanted to write about - Happy New Year, by the way - is how one can often tell what a particular State is like by it's shape. Michigan, for instance, is shaped like a mitten so you can easily guess that it's cold there. Florida rather resembles a flip-flop, so one could rightly expect sandy beaches, palm trees, sunshine, stuff like that.
Nevada is shaped like a funnel (or a guillotine blade, depending on how you look at it). Alaska looks like a Rorschach test. Texas and Oklahoma, on the other hand, look not at all vaguely like toilets, so you can probably guess what you're going to find there. Is that not fair?
See you in O-Nine.
pH 12.31.o8
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Friday, December 26, 2008
Say Cheese
By now, most people have seen the video on the Internet, evidence that we have gone a bit loco here in the desert. They reveal themselves now and again, these little idiosyncrasies that separate us from the rest of humanity.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T43LtGNFLPw
Yes, that was Santa Claus, wrapping up a surveillance camera in Tempe, Arizona. Apparently, a group of extremists from the North Pole has declared war on the "Surveillance State". In the spirit of Henry David Thoreaux, I say, well done.
There are places on Earth - such as Belfast, Ireland - where people are under far more scrutiny than we are here in the Valley of the Sun. We're catching up, though, with every other intersection equipped with cameras to monitor our speed and red-light compliance.
As a parting gift, Democratic governor Janet Napolitano has installed cameras on most all Arizona freeways. In their first two months of operation, they generated some 40,000 citations, to the tune of over $6 million in fines. Damn right you're on Candid Camera.
In the latest example of why ballot initiatives ought to be banned in a representative government, another radical wingnut movement is picking up steam. Now the mad petitioners want the public to be able to vote on whether or not to keep said cameras.
Nobody expected this. They don't care about the number of lives and limbs spared by a sane flow of traffic, or the reduced costs of collision and infrastructure damage. Forget the millions of gallons of fuel saved when we all back off the throttle. This is, they will tell you, a privacy issue.
More disturbing than the presence of automated shutterbugs is the latest news from the City of Phoenix Department of Public Safety, which is now training its patrol officers to draw blood in the event of DUI suspicion. Yes, people with guns are being given that kind of power.
So what kind of power do we have? You want to go to war with Big Brother? Do you really? I only ask because I know how to do it. And if you honestly want to head in that direction, I'd be happy to help, but I doubt you've got the guts.
As a matter of function, traffic cameras use flash-bulbs, which tend to *pop* in the periphery of one's vision. As medical science has been telling us for years (just read the inside cover of any modern video game), such peripheral flashes can cause seizures, even in people who have never suffered from them before. It's rare, but it happens.
So go get 'em. Zoom past a camera, and when you get flashed, take your car into the barricades at 75 miles per hour. Roll it over if you can. Upon being taken to the emergency room, tell the doctor that you're not sure what happened... Last thing you remember was a bright flash out of the corner of your eye (drooling will help your cause).
The rest is up to any decent lawyer. What's known for sure is that the government did set up equipment which did elicit your seizure, which did result in the horrific accident, which does necessitate considerable monetary compensation. That would shut down the cameras without canvassing for a single signature.
Then again, we are talking about a law-enforcement mindset that rationalizes the use of cute little hand-held cattle prods, and nobody squawks about that. In a free society, we get the policing we deserve. They were given an inch. They took miles at a time.
The funny part is that this has been going on at the federal level for about seven years now, and the good people of Arizona never gave a damn. We are consistently represented by Republicans who have done nothing but undermine the Constitution while George W. Bush rubberstamped every page.
Maybe more of us would have noticed if the White House had been sending out $200 tickets in the mail. That's all it takes to get your attention anymore, concerned citizen that you are.
pH 12.26.o8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T43LtGNFLPw
Yes, that was Santa Claus, wrapping up a surveillance camera in Tempe, Arizona. Apparently, a group of extremists from the North Pole has declared war on the "Surveillance State". In the spirit of Henry David Thoreaux, I say, well done.
There are places on Earth - such as Belfast, Ireland - where people are under far more scrutiny than we are here in the Valley of the Sun. We're catching up, though, with every other intersection equipped with cameras to monitor our speed and red-light compliance.
As a parting gift, Democratic governor Janet Napolitano has installed cameras on most all Arizona freeways. In their first two months of operation, they generated some 40,000 citations, to the tune of over $6 million in fines. Damn right you're on Candid Camera.
In the latest example of why ballot initiatives ought to be banned in a representative government, another radical wingnut movement is picking up steam. Now the mad petitioners want the public to be able to vote on whether or not to keep said cameras.
Nobody expected this. They don't care about the number of lives and limbs spared by a sane flow of traffic, or the reduced costs of collision and infrastructure damage. Forget the millions of gallons of fuel saved when we all back off the throttle. This is, they will tell you, a privacy issue.
More disturbing than the presence of automated shutterbugs is the latest news from the City of Phoenix Department of Public Safety, which is now training its patrol officers to draw blood in the event of DUI suspicion. Yes, people with guns are being given that kind of power.
So what kind of power do we have? You want to go to war with Big Brother? Do you really? I only ask because I know how to do it. And if you honestly want to head in that direction, I'd be happy to help, but I doubt you've got the guts.
As a matter of function, traffic cameras use flash-bulbs, which tend to *pop* in the periphery of one's vision. As medical science has been telling us for years (just read the inside cover of any modern video game), such peripheral flashes can cause seizures, even in people who have never suffered from them before. It's rare, but it happens.
So go get 'em. Zoom past a camera, and when you get flashed, take your car into the barricades at 75 miles per hour. Roll it over if you can. Upon being taken to the emergency room, tell the doctor that you're not sure what happened... Last thing you remember was a bright flash out of the corner of your eye (drooling will help your cause).
The rest is up to any decent lawyer. What's known for sure is that the government did set up equipment which did elicit your seizure, which did result in the horrific accident, which does necessitate considerable monetary compensation. That would shut down the cameras without canvassing for a single signature.
Then again, we are talking about a law-enforcement mindset that rationalizes the use of cute little hand-held cattle prods, and nobody squawks about that. In a free society, we get the policing we deserve. They were given an inch. They took miles at a time.
The funny part is that this has been going on at the federal level for about seven years now, and the good people of Arizona never gave a damn. We are consistently represented by Republicans who have done nothing but undermine the Constitution while George W. Bush rubberstamped every page.
Maybe more of us would have noticed if the White House had been sending out $200 tickets in the mail. That's all it takes to get your attention anymore, concerned citizen that you are.
pH 12.26.o8
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
News, Views and Shoes
Reply to self: No, I am not ignoring the news, but neither am I getting carried away by the current of events just lately. Sometimes, when you practically need an umbrella to keep the stories off your shoulders, an old and trusted format is the way to go: "News and Views".
News: Barack Obama's cabinet is heavily staffed with Clintonistas, moderates and otherwise noted non-leftists. The liberal sphere grumbles.
Views: Well, sure. With quite the rough patch ahead, it makes sense to appoint people who can hit the ground running, and they'll make for nice scapegoats while their eventual replacements serve as understudies. At this point, things are so bad that Obama could name D.B. Cooper to be Treasurer and Tommy Chong as Drug Czar, and it wouldn't matter too much.
More of a concern is the fact that the president-elect is bleeding the Senate (and a couple of governor's mansions) dry of capable Democrats. The most recently plucked apple was Colorado's Ken Salazar, seen by most environmentalists as a puppet of the mining and ranching industries. But that sticks to Obama's approach of not over-reaching early on. Smart.
News: Southern Republican Senators block financial assistance for U.S. automakers. They say that the employees make too much money.
Views: Those same Senators forked over hundreds of millions of dollars in taxpayer money to foreign automakers to open manufacturing plants in their states. The Big Three should fight fire with fire; close all the Ford, Chrysler and GM dealerships in Alabama and Tennessee.
If those good people want to buy American cars and trucks, they'll have to take their money to another state (say, a union state). As far as the lost jobs and the sales tax revenues are concerned, they will have noone to blame except their own Senators.
News: Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich gets caught on tape trying to sell Barack Obama's vacant seat in the Senate. Conservatives desperately seek to link Obama to the scandal. The state Senate votes in favor of impeachment proceedings by a margin of 113-0.
Views: "Pay to play" politics is nothing new in Illinois, and Blago will not be the first governor of that state to face jail time. He's pretty much been under an ethics cloud for years. The only unresolved matter is whether he's crazy enough to appoint himself to the Senate before being dragged out of office.
As for the degree of Obama's involvement, U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald's reports indicate no connection thus far - although his Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel, did have numerous conversations with the governor's office.. Time will tell and, most likely, exonerate.
News: Wall Street mucky-muck Bernard Madoff made off with billions of dollars in a classic Ponzi scheme, possibly the tip of a fraud iceberg. Banks across the world are exposed to considerable damage, with many people left in financial ruins. Victims include charities and pension funds.
Views: (Shrug.)
News: In Baghdad, an Arab journalist hurls his shoes at President Bush during a news conference alongside Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki. He also calls Bush a "dog" (gender not specified).
Views: The president, an old pro at ducking behind a podium before the media, actually lauded the fellow as a member of a "free society". Shortly thereafter, the good stewards of that free society took the conservative approach to dissent, which left the man with a broken arm and broken ribs. He remains in their care and custody despite massive public protests for his release.
Never mind the obvious reticence of the Secret Service. Look, the Iraqis are still learning this democracy stuff. He probably heard the expression, "vote with your feet", and it just didn't translate so well (as so many other things, alas, have not).
pH 12.17.o8
News: Barack Obama's cabinet is heavily staffed with Clintonistas, moderates and otherwise noted non-leftists. The liberal sphere grumbles.
Views: Well, sure. With quite the rough patch ahead, it makes sense to appoint people who can hit the ground running, and they'll make for nice scapegoats while their eventual replacements serve as understudies. At this point, things are so bad that Obama could name D.B. Cooper to be Treasurer and Tommy Chong as Drug Czar, and it wouldn't matter too much.
More of a concern is the fact that the president-elect is bleeding the Senate (and a couple of governor's mansions) dry of capable Democrats. The most recently plucked apple was Colorado's Ken Salazar, seen by most environmentalists as a puppet of the mining and ranching industries. But that sticks to Obama's approach of not over-reaching early on. Smart.
News: Southern Republican Senators block financial assistance for U.S. automakers. They say that the employees make too much money.
Views: Those same Senators forked over hundreds of millions of dollars in taxpayer money to foreign automakers to open manufacturing plants in their states. The Big Three should fight fire with fire; close all the Ford, Chrysler and GM dealerships in Alabama and Tennessee.
If those good people want to buy American cars and trucks, they'll have to take their money to another state (say, a union state). As far as the lost jobs and the sales tax revenues are concerned, they will have noone to blame except their own Senators.
News: Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich gets caught on tape trying to sell Barack Obama's vacant seat in the Senate. Conservatives desperately seek to link Obama to the scandal. The state Senate votes in favor of impeachment proceedings by a margin of 113-0.
Views: "Pay to play" politics is nothing new in Illinois, and Blago will not be the first governor of that state to face jail time. He's pretty much been under an ethics cloud for years. The only unresolved matter is whether he's crazy enough to appoint himself to the Senate before being dragged out of office.
As for the degree of Obama's involvement, U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald's reports indicate no connection thus far - although his Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel, did have numerous conversations with the governor's office.. Time will tell and, most likely, exonerate.
News: Wall Street mucky-muck Bernard Madoff made off with billions of dollars in a classic Ponzi scheme, possibly the tip of a fraud iceberg. Banks across the world are exposed to considerable damage, with many people left in financial ruins. Victims include charities and pension funds.
Views: (Shrug.)
News: In Baghdad, an Arab journalist hurls his shoes at President Bush during a news conference alongside Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki. He also calls Bush a "dog" (gender not specified).
Views: The president, an old pro at ducking behind a podium before the media, actually lauded the fellow as a member of a "free society". Shortly thereafter, the good stewards of that free society took the conservative approach to dissent, which left the man with a broken arm and broken ribs. He remains in their care and custody despite massive public protests for his release.
Never mind the obvious reticence of the Secret Service. Look, the Iraqis are still learning this democracy stuff. He probably heard the expression, "vote with your feet", and it just didn't translate so well (as so many other things, alas, have not).
pH 12.17.o8
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Distant Karma
Beware, citizens, be very aware. Dark clouds gather. No place is safe. We're all a bunch of victims waiting to happen. From the loftiest perches of power to the darkest alleys, predators stalk among us. Anyone could fall.
This might be a story about Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich, or disgraced football great O.J. Simpson, but no. We're talking about Boy George (the pop-icon, not the president). By this time you probably know fully well what he did. If not, please forgive the brevity of this synopsis:
After a nude photo shoot, he shackled a Norwegian male escort to his bedroom wall and flogged him with a metal chain. A Norwegian male escort! Apparently, this is a crime in London. Probably something to do with unpaid bondage tax.
Whatever the duration of his sentence, based on what he did, he should be forced to serve it at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Not in the capacity of a prisoner - rather, he should be given the title and the responsibilities of Chief Interrogator. Oh, yes, they'll talk.
Granted, he'll be dealing with the worst of the worst, the really hard-nosed terrorists. In other words, these are not Norwegians, but then neither do they have the rights of Norwegians. Using good old American latitude, we've got to break these people, especially with time running out on the Bush-Cheney game clock.
Their anti-terror plan hasn't been too successful, see, or we wouldn't still be fighting those two wars all these years after they began. Intelligence experts unanimously agree that terrorist attacks (and recruiting) have steadily risen across the world as time has passed since 9/11.
What is being done today to these detainees after they've been locked up for so long? What drastic tactics do we employ now that waterboarding is off-limits? Loud, offensive music. You know, AC/DC, Eminem, Nine Inch Nails, the Barney theme song. Seriously.
Since little else has worked, why don't we try blasting them with a new tune, like Do You Really Want To Hurt Me? It would take Boy George about a week to clear every last prisoner in U.S. custody, thereby eliminating Gitmo as an international sore spot and as a taxpayer burden.
Call it community service. After that's done, Mr. George can - no, must return to England to live a normal life as best he can. And the detainees? Well, that's always been a sticky wicket...
I'd send them to Norway.
pH 12.1o.o8
This might be a story about Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich, or disgraced football great O.J. Simpson, but no. We're talking about Boy George (the pop-icon, not the president). By this time you probably know fully well what he did. If not, please forgive the brevity of this synopsis:
After a nude photo shoot, he shackled a Norwegian male escort to his bedroom wall and flogged him with a metal chain. A Norwegian male escort! Apparently, this is a crime in London. Probably something to do with unpaid bondage tax.
Whatever the duration of his sentence, based on what he did, he should be forced to serve it at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Not in the capacity of a prisoner - rather, he should be given the title and the responsibilities of Chief Interrogator. Oh, yes, they'll talk.
Granted, he'll be dealing with the worst of the worst, the really hard-nosed terrorists. In other words, these are not Norwegians, but then neither do they have the rights of Norwegians. Using good old American latitude, we've got to break these people, especially with time running out on the Bush-Cheney game clock.
Their anti-terror plan hasn't been too successful, see, or we wouldn't still be fighting those two wars all these years after they began. Intelligence experts unanimously agree that terrorist attacks (and recruiting) have steadily risen across the world as time has passed since 9/11.
What is being done today to these detainees after they've been locked up for so long? What drastic tactics do we employ now that waterboarding is off-limits? Loud, offensive music. You know, AC/DC, Eminem, Nine Inch Nails, the Barney theme song. Seriously.
Since little else has worked, why don't we try blasting them with a new tune, like Do You Really Want To Hurt Me? It would take Boy George about a week to clear every last prisoner in U.S. custody, thereby eliminating Gitmo as an international sore spot and as a taxpayer burden.
Call it community service. After that's done, Mr. George can - no, must return to England to live a normal life as best he can. And the detainees? Well, that's always been a sticky wicket...
I'd send them to Norway.
pH 12.1o.o8
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Random Notes from an Undeclared War
As the parade of long faces marches out of office, George W. Bush has been in meetings with his old pal Karl Rove and his attorney, Karen Hughes. Are they working on the financial mess we're all in? Or perhaps tidying up the Iraq dossier for the incoming Obama administration?
No, they're doing what they've always done, which is to micromanage the 43rd president's "legacy". Such image-burnishing, while hardly surprising, would be quite simple for most of us to handle. Look at last month's employment report, in which over half a million Americans lost their jobs. Laminate it. Put it on an easel. Shrug your shoulders; it's a legacy.
***
The price of oil has come down by roughly 70 percent from last summer's peak. Naturally, OPEC has squawked about this, saying that $75 a barrel would be more appropriate. Even so, their production cuts don't stand a chance versus penny-pinching American consumers, as AAA predicts that prices will continue to fall for the rest of the year.
All of this has been accomplished without any further domestic production, which was all we heard about during the election. So much for "Drill, Baby, Drill", which sounded dumb then, and sounds even dumber now - which probably has nothing to do with conservative broadcast outfits like Westwood One and Citadel losing almost all of their stock value this past month.
***
Note to Rolling Stone: Size matters.
***
India and Pakistan are at each other's throats again. Why the Bush administration allied itself with Pakistan in the war on terror remains unclear. India is much closer to a democratic government than their angry neighbor, and doesn't have an intelligence service that breaks bread with the likes of the Taliban and al-Qaida.
But then, how else could the neo-cons (and their harem of defense contractors) guarantee that great and lofty goal of theirs: War without end?
***
What's interesting about the Big Three's request for so-called bridge loans and other forms of economic assistance is the fact that their CEOs are being made to jump through Congressional hoops. Their 33-page "business plan" was mocked by all - but that's still 30 pages longer than Hank Paulson's business plan was, and we gave Wall Street $700 billion (roughly 20 times more than Detroit's request) without blinking. Wake me up when it makes sense.
***
Whenever I am vexed by a particular problem, I ask myself, WWOD (What Would Obama Do)?
***
Getting back to that legacy thing...
As unearthed memoes have revealed, the White House was involved in making decisions with regard to torture. In fact, the administration used the SERE manual (used by the military to instruct its personnel on torture resistance) to come up with the most effective methods. So when they ask What Would Jesus Do, they're only interested in finding out so that they can do the exact opposite thing.
In that regard, Bush has so much blood on his hands that he makes Idi Amin look like Uncle Remus, and should be treated accordingly by history and the law. Let him live out his days as Dada did - sipping drinks on a stipend in Saudi Arabia, out of reach of the international courts.
pH 12.o6.o8
No, they're doing what they've always done, which is to micromanage the 43rd president's "legacy". Such image-burnishing, while hardly surprising, would be quite simple for most of us to handle. Look at last month's employment report, in which over half a million Americans lost their jobs. Laminate it. Put it on an easel. Shrug your shoulders; it's a legacy.
***
The price of oil has come down by roughly 70 percent from last summer's peak. Naturally, OPEC has squawked about this, saying that $75 a barrel would be more appropriate. Even so, their production cuts don't stand a chance versus penny-pinching American consumers, as AAA predicts that prices will continue to fall for the rest of the year.
All of this has been accomplished without any further domestic production, which was all we heard about during the election. So much for "Drill, Baby, Drill", which sounded dumb then, and sounds even dumber now - which probably has nothing to do with conservative broadcast outfits like Westwood One and Citadel losing almost all of their stock value this past month.
***
Note to Rolling Stone: Size matters.
***
India and Pakistan are at each other's throats again. Why the Bush administration allied itself with Pakistan in the war on terror remains unclear. India is much closer to a democratic government than their angry neighbor, and doesn't have an intelligence service that breaks bread with the likes of the Taliban and al-Qaida.
But then, how else could the neo-cons (and their harem of defense contractors) guarantee that great and lofty goal of theirs: War without end?
***
What's interesting about the Big Three's request for so-called bridge loans and other forms of economic assistance is the fact that their CEOs are being made to jump through Congressional hoops. Their 33-page "business plan" was mocked by all - but that's still 30 pages longer than Hank Paulson's business plan was, and we gave Wall Street $700 billion (roughly 20 times more than Detroit's request) without blinking. Wake me up when it makes sense.
***
Whenever I am vexed by a particular problem, I ask myself, WWOD (What Would Obama Do)?
***
Getting back to that legacy thing...
As unearthed memoes have revealed, the White House was involved in making decisions with regard to torture. In fact, the administration used the SERE manual (used by the military to instruct its personnel on torture resistance) to come up with the most effective methods. So when they ask What Would Jesus Do, they're only interested in finding out so that they can do the exact opposite thing.
In that regard, Bush has so much blood on his hands that he makes Idi Amin look like Uncle Remus, and should be treated accordingly by history and the law. Let him live out his days as Dada did - sipping drinks on a stipend in Saudi Arabia, out of reach of the international courts.
pH 12.o6.o8
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