Friday, April 15, 2011

Anozira: Birther of a Nation

Arizona just can't leave well enough alone. First came SB 1o7o, their attempt to create their own foreign policy where immigration is concerned. The federal courts had to intervene and restore some sanity to the misguided and misdirected law.

Next up in court will be the Grand Canyon State's new and improved interpretation of the 14th Amendment, which has only been on the books for about 150 years now. They say that they know, they just know, that when the 14th Amendment says that those who are born on U.S. soil are U.S. citizens that it doesn't really mean it. It means... something else if one or both of a baby's parents are in the U.S. illegally when said baby is born. It means that a naked infant, having committed such a heinous crime in his or her first few moments of life (which begins whenever Arizona says it does), is denied U.S. citizenship, damn the torpedoes and the U.S. Constitution.

Arizona welcomes, these conservatives say, a court challenge to this bill, similar to the court challenge that immediately came down on SB 1070. Even though they lost that one.

The regressive apes who have controlled Arizona's laws and purse strings for far too long have now gone the extra mile in making themselves look idiotic. They've officially joined the "Birther Movement" by passing a law saying that President Barack Obama - or (ahem) any other presidential candidate - must prove his citizenship, or else Arizona won't put their names on the ballot.

All that's left is for Governor Jan Brewer to sign this official act of quackery into law - and she's done worse during her time in office, so there's no reason to think she won't. After all, Arizona's "no permit required" law allowed Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords's assailant to legally walk right up to her with a gun under his shirt. A scant seven weeks after that atrocity, in which 6 people lost their lives and Giffords was shot through the brain, the Arizona legislature passed a bill - figuratively, I'm assuming - that allows students to carry firearms on college campuses. Very educated.

As an expatriate Arizonan (still using that license plate), I look at all this through the grainy prism of personal experience. To my way of thinking, this Birther Bill comprises a third strike against the state of Arizona. SB 1070 was an act of secession - a throwing off of Constitutional law. Ditto for the bill denying 14th Amendment rights to Americans who have the bad luck to be born in Arizona. Now, refusing to put the incumbent president's name on the ballot, denying millions of Americans the right to vote for the candidate of their choice in a federal election?

Strike Three, Arizona. You're out.

The confederate cabal of legislators who make the laws in Arizona do not respect our Constitution. They have passed law after law that runs directly afoul of it. These are outright acts of secession, several of them in a row, in fact. Should the United States of America wait for Arizona to start lobbing shells at Fort Huachuca? Or should they get out the map and the scissors?

Because of its treachery, the state of Arizona should be either (A) dissolved, with its lands and its debts divided up among its contiguous neighbor-states and Mexico or (B) simply spun off to exist on its own. I personally favor 'B' because New Mexico, California, Nevada and Utah should not have to bear the burden of dealing with those people, and Mexico has enough problems already with Arizona gun hawks whose sales are fueling a narco-civil war south of the border.

Simply put, Arizona should be left to fend for itself, because that's what it wants. That's what it should get. If the state can fund and operate the Grand Canyon, let it do so (fat chance, since most of the state parks have been defunded by the Republicans in power). If they think they can get by without Colorado River water, they should be allowed to try. Or electricity from the Hoover Dam. Or federal highway money. Or military bases. Their people should have to carry passports if they want to get back into the United States.

Membership in this Union is a privilege, not a right. Puerto Rico can replace Arizona as the 5oth State so we wouldn't have to spend the money on new flags.

Of course, John McCain (who was born in Panama, don't you know) will feel entitled to be the de facto president of the new nation called Arizona. Actually, they should be forced to change their name to Anozira instead. It would make perfect sense for a place in which everything else is so amazingly backward.

pH 4.15.11