Sunday, December 4, 2011

The Fall Lineup

Hey, Republicans, how's that nominating process goin' for ya? Isn't life fun when you let the Tea Party know-nothings run your primary election process? All together now - Wheeee!

Seriously, right-wingers. Look at the Murderers Row of candidates who have stood before their anxious, statesman-starved constituents and struck themselves out one after the other.

Batting lead-off was Michele Bachmann, who seemed like a very polished and skilled politician until she began speaking. Then Rick Perry swayed boozily to the batter's box, fanning away at every grapefruit-league softball pitch, even forgetting his own talking points. Next up was former pizza magnate Herman Cain, and after several weeks of reports of his behaving like a pimp around women, he gave up (long before, it is worth nothing, the conservative electorate ever did).

Now, predictably, Newt Gingrich is rolling in his role as clean-up hitter. So what if he divorced his first wife while she had cancer? John McCain did something very similar, and he was an old white-haired guy who was good enough to lose to Barack Obama. Who cares if Newt can't handle money? We need a leader, not a calculator. What difference that Newt shut down the government in 1995? Saved us taxpayers some money, didn't it?

Surely, Vern Wuensche is waiting in the on-deck circle. Or Jimmy McMillan. Forget Jon Huntsman - far too reasonable of a human being, and besides, he worked for Obama. Poor Rick Santorum must feel like the last guy in line in the Red Light district.

All through this process (which has been painful to watch but good viewing nonetheless) is Mitt Romney, yelling, "Put me in, Coach!" He was actually an okay governor in Massachusetts - made sure everyone had health care, looked out for gay rights, wasn't crazy about abortion - but that may well be the thing that startles the base about him. Or it might be something else... Let's just say that the Evangelicals don't view Mitt's religion as something exactly out of a Norman Rockwell painting.

Whether or not Republican primary voters are capable of making an intelligent choice (please, God, Ron Paul) remains to be seen. With unemployment sighing down and consumer confidence having nowhere to go but up, any GOP standard-bearer will be the cake in Obama's 2o12 cakewalk to re-election.

All the economy really needs is for the banks to lighten up on the indebted, for corporations to pull some of the cash out from under their golden mattresses, and for the super-wealthy to pay a little more in taxes. All of that adds up to... What?

A solid second-term agenda. (Who would have guessed that Obama would be impenetrable on defense issues?) See you next year, Republicans. If you drink too much at the New Year's party, believe me, everyone will understand.

pH 12.o4.11