Hard Hat Area

"Obama lacks leadership," my friend said, and it was not a criticism so much as it was a statement of dismay. "Where is he?"

That's a fair question. Not an hour has passed without our nation's 44th president being assailed like no other before him, in every form of media available, and from our Republican elected officials as well. There hasn't been one decision that has been met with anything so positive as a shrug. No matter what he does, it's either too much for one side or not enough for the other.

That's not exactly an environment conducive to grand-marshaling a national parade. There's also the matter of style to be considered. Barack Obama has proven to be a bit aloof, above the fray, cool and calm when others feel as if their heads are about to explode. That's just how he is.

Look at the situation in Arizona, where a federal judge has gutted the infamous SB 1o7o. This is one of the biggest stories in the country; why hasn't Obama come down here to see it for himself before having his Department of Justice throw Arizona into the defendant's chair?

Finally, decades after he left the scene, it seems as though Americans are pining for Lyndon Baines Johnson. His penchant for Capitol Hill skullcrackery was legendary. Everyone assumed that, because BHO came out of the rough-and-tumble political junkyards of Chicago, this president would be an ass-kicker along the lines of LBJ.

Even conservatives seem taken aback by his unwillingness to pull the gloves off. They are enboldened by his lack of bloodthirst. If leadership is measured by the same metrics as accomplishment, Obama is right up there with Kennedy, Roosevelt and Roosevelt. If it's measured by his left jab, then he's left his own base wanting.

Again, using Arizona as an example, just ponder for a moment what LBJ would have done to any state guilty of pushing a stick into his eye. Punishment would have been swift and certain and terrible. From civil rights to Medicare, he built a legacy that no Democrat since has wanted to rival. Can't we all just get along?

Were Obama to channel Johnson, the retribution would be righteous and personal. First, he'd head off these crazy Arizona confederates - sorry, conservatives by granting outright amnesty to every undocumented immigrant in the United States. It could be called the "Ronald Reagan Memorial Taxpayer Creation Act".

(He could embellish this properly by imitating George W. Bush's WMD farce, looking under the rostrum and saying, "Nope, no illegals there!")

Then he'd announce that Luke Air Force Base is no longer needed, because the F-16 is an obsolete fighter plane, and that we can just outsource the training to whatever countries have already purchased most of our F-16s. Davis-Monthan Air Force Base would be relocated to New Mexico, because they need the jobs more, and have more available land to boot. He could call it the "John McCain Honorary Base Re-alignment Act".

After that, he might consider laying federal hands on the Colorado River, nixing the Central Arizona Project Canal (which brings water from the river all the way to the Valley of the Sun). This only makes sense - the "American Riparian Conservation Act".

Closing the Grand Canyon would be the next logical step. It's expensive to operate such a vast national park. The 'Zonies can't say anything, because Jan Brewer and the GOP-led legislature have already closed most of the state parks. This would be known as the "Size and Scope of Government Reduction Act".

In fact, all federal funding could be halted, since Arizona has long been home to such conservatives as John McCain and Jeff Flake, who rail against earmarks as if they really mean it. As a result, we're already last in federal spending per capita. Call it the "This is What You Ingrates Can Expect Act".

Then, if President Obama were truly to channel President Johnson, he'd have Governor Jan Brewer audited by the IRS. Extensively. Same goes for Russell Pearce. And Cindy McCain.

As it stands, LBJ would probably be proud to see an African-American in the White House, no matter how he pulled the levers of power. His legacy stands, even against the kinds of stiff racist winds blowing today in places like Arizona.

It's been too long in coming for the man who had the decency to neither seek nor accept his Party's nomination in 1968: Hail to the Chief. It's just that... Where did he leave that billy club?

pH 7.29.1o