It's hard to know, at this point, more of which has been spilled in the Gulf of Mexico since April 2o: Oil or ink. An impartial observer would have to say the former. The quantity of reporting has not left us wanting so much as the quality.
BP security guards have routinely turned away the press from public beaches. This is a first-rate affront to the Fourth Estate, which doesn't seem to mind, as it was trained so meticulously by the Bush adminstration. It is disappointing to see that the sons of the South have become so lax in repelling agents of a foreign country from our soil.
Southern spigotry is still alive and well, though, with all manner of regional Republicans trying desperately to blame BP's mess on President Obama. One lawmaker, Joe Barton of Texas, even had the gall to apologize to BP for the indignities they have endured by being asked to pay for their mistakes.
Through it all, the arrogance of BP has been personified by CEO Tony Hayward. First he said he wanted his life back. Then he said that Americans were inherently fraudulent and would try to weasel unwarranted money from the oil giant. His latest whereabouts: Sailing on a yacht in a race 'round the Isle of Wight, sponsored by the good people at J.P. Morgan.
So it becomes clear, what the proper response should be by the United States as it responds as best it can to the worst disaster to face us as a nation, worse even than 9/11. We must sack England.
These bloody snarky bastards have had it coming for a long time. Never mind that they "sexed up" the war in Iraq; they've been rather nasty to us ever since the Revolution. Look at the War of 1812. And whose side did they take in the Civil War? Only in World Wars I and II did they make nice, and that's because they were on the brink of defeat.
World War II would have been the optimal time to bring the Mother Country into the Union fold. They were beaten up. We were strategically placed. Churchill was too drunk to notice. Nobody would have cared. That doesn't mean it can't be done today.
A quick review of global defense spending tells us that any conflict would be brief, to be sure, but it would more likely be a bloodless coup. It's like our filibuster.
Whenever the Republicans don't want something to pass in the Senate (pick any example), they merely threaten to filibuster said legislation. They don't actually have to filibuster. Just the thought of Mitch McConnell speaking without end is enough to make the Democrats cave.
In the event that the British actually wanted to engage us in battle, well, it would be mercifully quick. It's not like they have any friends left in the world. Who would intervene? Ireland and Scotland? Those would be our forward operating bases. Germany? Please.
France would let us launch the big invasion from their side of the Channel. Only Australia would pose a problem, and they've already demonstrated their loyalty is for sale.
We'd be able to buy plenty of it, too, with all that royal plunder. How much is the House of Windsor worth these days, anyway? That would be the pound-sterling silver lining in all of this. Our economy needs the cash (especially at today's exchange rate).
Annexing the United Kingdom might just be the shot in the arm that America needs right now. We could easily absorb the real estate inventory. Our culinary institutes and schools of dentistry would thrive. And it would give us a much-needed island upon which to deposit our nuclear waste as we cruise out of the fossil-fuels era.
This is the Bush Doctrine. The people of England would no doubt herald us as liberators as we drove our tanks the wrong way down their streets. We could blast it from the bullhorns to our new citizens: Sam's your Uncle. We have killed your queen and you are free.
History would treat us kindly. Diplomats the world over would greet us with warm smiles on their faces. The tragedy in the Gulf would remain unresolved, but the military-industrial complex would be pleased. Everybody wins... Or at least everybody that matters.
pH 6.22.1o
No comments:
Post a Comment