Say Cheese

By now, most people have seen the video on the Internet, evidence that we have gone a bit loco here in the desert. They reveal themselves now and again, these little idiosyncrasies that separate us from the rest of humanity.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T43LtGNFLPw

Yes, that was Santa Claus, wrapping up a surveillance camera in Tempe, Arizona. Apparently, a group of extremists from the North Pole has declared war on the "Surveillance State". In the spirit of Henry David Thoreaux, I say, well done.

There are places on Earth - such as Belfast, Ireland - where people are under far more scrutiny than we are here in the Valley of the Sun. We're catching up, though, with every other intersection equipped with cameras to monitor our speed and red-light compliance.

As a parting gift, Democratic governor Janet Napolitano has installed cameras on most all Arizona freeways. In their first two months of operation, they generated some 40,000 citations, to the tune of over $6 million in fines. Damn right you're on Candid Camera.

In the latest example of why ballot initiatives ought to be banned in a representative government, another radical wingnut movement is picking up steam. Now the mad petitioners want the public to be able to vote on whether or not to keep said cameras.

Nobody expected this. They don't care about the number of lives and limbs spared by a sane flow of traffic, or the reduced costs of collision and infrastructure damage. Forget the millions of gallons of fuel saved when we all back off the throttle. This is, they will tell you, a privacy issue.

More disturbing than the presence of automated shutterbugs is the latest news from the City of Phoenix Department of Public Safety, which is now training its patrol officers to draw blood in the event of DUI suspicion. Yes, people with guns are being given that kind of power.

So what kind of power do we have? You want to go to war with Big Brother? Do you really? I only ask because I know how to do it. And if you honestly want to head in that direction, I'd be happy to help, but I doubt you've got the guts.

As a matter of function, traffic cameras use flash-bulbs, which tend to *pop* in the periphery of one's vision. As medical science has been telling us for years (just read the inside cover of any modern video game), such peripheral flashes can cause seizures, even in people who have never suffered from them before. It's rare, but it happens.

So go get 'em. Zoom past a camera, and when you get flashed, take your car into the barricades at 75 miles per hour. Roll it over if you can. Upon being taken to the emergency room, tell the doctor that you're not sure what happened... Last thing you remember was a bright flash out of the corner of your eye (drooling will help your cause).

The rest is up to any decent lawyer. What's known for sure is that the government did set up equipment which did elicit your seizure, which did result in the horrific accident, which does necessitate considerable monetary compensation. That would shut down the cameras without canvassing for a single signature.

Then again, we are talking about a law-enforcement mindset that rationalizes the use of cute little hand-held cattle prods, and nobody squawks about that. In a free society, we get the policing we deserve. They were given an inch. They took miles at a time.

The funny part is that this has been going on at the federal level for about seven years now, and the good people of Arizona never gave a damn. We are consistently represented by Republicans who have done nothing but undermine the Constitution while George W. Bush rubberstamped every page.

Maybe more of us would have noticed if the White House had been sending out $200 tickets in the mail. That's all it takes to get your attention anymore, concerned citizen that you are.

pH 12.26.o8