Thursday, January 29, 2009

Big Government is Back

"The era of big goverment is back."

That sentiment is being universally bandied about - in the news, on Capitol Hill, in the blogosphere. It is said across tables in every kitchen, coffeehouse and watering hole in the country these days.

That may indeed be the case, but one can hardly blame Barack Obama for it. Big government has been back for years, after arriving on the point of a Republican spear. Even their eventual candidate, John McCain, long ago excoriated his colleagues for spending "like drunken sailors".

Everyone recalls how George W. Bush presided over the most swollen budgets, the deepest deficits and the greatest expansion of the federal government in American history. His largesse was so embarrassing that the funding of our war(s) couldn't be accounted for in the regular spending bills.

And how seriously could he be taken even in that somber endeavor? On October 4, 2001 Bush gave a speech in Washington, D.C. in which he actually said, "We need to counter the shock wave of the evil-doer by having individual rate cuts accelerated and by thinking about tax rebates." Really.

His fellow Republicans bring to bear the same amount of pomp and gravitas as they always have, with House members voting in unison against Obama's economic stimulus plan. Ironically enough, in doing so, they rejected one of the biggest tax cuts ever to pass in Congress - which it did, even without their support.

Some right-wing stooges have proclaimed this to be the moment at which conservatives lawmakers "rediscovered their manhood". They think (well, they try to think) that Obama wanted them on board so that they would be anchored to the eventual failure of the stimulus.

That's just not so. All the new president is doing is standing over the economy that the GOP killed, scraping together the paddles of a financial defibrillator. He asked for their support, didn't get any, and is now free to call his opponents stubborn obstructionists (which comes as no surprise to over three-fourths of the public).

This passion play will be repeated in the Senate. Republicans will wail and gnash their teeth, and we can move on to the business of doing the same thing with every other major challenge before us. The minority party is free to go home if they like...

They just need to understand that it isn't their bat and ball anymore. The era of responsible government is back.

pH 1.29.o9

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Place Your Bets

If there's a great and common point of wonderment among the American people today, it would have to be, "What now?"

What is there to do with such solid majorities in both Houses of Congress except watch? Who is there to rail against? What dastardly issues could possibly assume the front burner? These questions are all fair even if the answers, like life, are not.

Don't know.

I will certainly miss the greatest political foil ever devised, George W. Bush, now that he's left office. (And I mean left it - this guy isn't like Jimmy Carter or Bill Clinton or even Nixon. You won't see him making speeches or hammering nails; Dubya's gone.)

Don't care.

Still, there's something to be said for grinding the old bootheel into the back of your opponent's neck while you've got him down, and you'll find a lot of that here, if only because of principle. I forget but I don't forgive.

Don't look.

Look, this isn't a movie. It's nowhere near as simple as driving a wooden stake through the GOP's heart. It's not enough to sever the head, stuff its bloody mouth with holy wafers, and bury it in consecrated ground. That, in and of itself, would never work.

Don't mind.

It's funny to me that an insurance company will not sell you a policy to protect you against the Republicans, to make you whole in the event that their policies devastate your life. Such would be textbook bad business, a fool's wager, akin to picking the Detroit Lions to win a football game.

Doesn't matter.

Think about that. They'll sell you homeowners insurance if you build in a flood plain, or on a muddy hillside, or in a brushy desert canyon. They'll sell you auto insurance even though there are thousands of car accidents every day in this country. Indemnification from right-wing lunacy?

Some chances are just not taken.

pH 1.24.o9

Monday, January 19, 2009

Coin Flip

With an historic moment looming on the calendar, the pundits are now scrambling to sum up the Bush presidency, which poses quite the challenge. This was no ordinary president so bringing his legacy into focus is no small task.

Bush, Cheney and their small, unhappy band of supporters would love for us to believe that Dubya's legacy is that He Kept Us Safe (unless we count, y'know, 9/11). It is doubtful that anyone will be buying one last whopper from these charlatans.

What's a legacy anyway? We know that Ike was grandfatherly. We know that Nixon was crooked. We know that Lincoln was steadfast. We know that Ford fell up a flight of stairs. It's all nice, but none of that sufficiently explains the dynamic between those men and the nation they led for better or worse.

It would take an awful lot of beans, but those who inhabit the world of high finance could count them all up and tell you what the statistics say about our 43rd president, so his impact can in fact be quantified. That's just evidence, however, and does not adequately illustrate the whole story.

George W. Bush needs something more symbolic, and more permanent, than any of the usual stuff. Otherwise we may as well just chisel his visage into a melting glacier. Recapitulation of this particular Chief Executive calls for drastic and lasting measures.

The United States mint should retool its extrusion presses and impose his image upon the penny. (Lincoln wouldn't mind - after all, he's still got the five-dollar bill.) This would be a fitting and lasting tribute.

Remember, it actually costs 1.3 cents to produce each small copper-plated zinc slug that is worth one one-hundredth of the dollar, which means that pennies are less than worthless. They only represent, as Bush does, a net loss for our country.

That doesn't merely embody Bush or his administration, but also the Republican Party, and all of conservatism as it has existed for the past eight years. A true legacy deserves more than effort, ink and bleached tree pulp.

Let his profile be stamped onto our coinage so that the world can know that we understand. That we have finally figured out our heads from our tails.

Bye, George. I think we've got it.

pH 1.19.o8

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Carp on a Hot Tin Roof

Yes, I take requests, and here's a good one from Gina in the Big Easy: "What's the deal with all the Washington carp?"

Had the question come from a less serious person I would have assumed she was being cheeky about Helen Thomas and the rest of the White House press corps. However, this is a subject about which I happen to know quite a bit.

Those aren't carp you see in every other Beltway water feature, be it at a hotel or a restaurant or an office building or wherever. Those are actually coi, a far-East cousin of the mighty American carp (which is considered a nuisance fish by anglers on this side of the pond).

Long prized as beloved pets in the Orient, a batch of them were once given to Teddy Roosevelt by the Emperor of Japan. Unfortunately, without the necessary prior knowledge of their significance, TR had them smoked and served to his staff - but then it's the thought that counts.

Another great civilization, Rome, used the carp to protect their nautae (Latin for "sailors") while they were in foreign ports. Selective breeding allowed the Romans to raise these majestic creatures to nigh half a ton, making them imposing guardians of the Empire. It was at that time that they coined the expression, carpe diem, or "seize the carp".

Even in the wild, more than a few people been saved from drowning, with stampeding schools of carp carrying them on their sleek backs to the shallows. Tales of man-carp associations (often of an intimate nature) are sporadically noted in early American lore, but that was back in the day, when they roamed our navigable waterways the way the buffalo once covered the Great Plains.

My own experience comes from my misbegotten youth up in Michigan, where we would venture into streams in the Springtime, hunting for suckerfish (very similar to carp) with nine-tine spears. The miracle is that nobody ever got speared in the foot by a drunken fishing buddy.

See, Gina? The only dumb question is the one that isn't asked. Wait... What? No, I saw the e-mail, and it said "carp". Yes, I can read perfectly well, thank you. So you really wanted to know what's the deal with all this Washington crap? Why didn't you Spell-Check it?

(Oh. You did.)

I'm afraid there's not really time enough in the day for that one. I'll get to work on it, though, and hopefully I'll have an answer by Inauguration Day. Carpe Diem.

pH 1.14.o9

Friday, January 9, 2009

Roland Out The Barrel

If I may be so bold as to inquire of the Democrats as embodied by Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid: Are you done looking stupid yet?

Here they have conservatism on the ropes, exhausted, clinching at every exchange. The GOP is now almost small enough (as Grover Norquist might say) to drown in a bathtub, but instead of preparing a smooth and successful transition to the Obama presidency, Reid has chosen to insert himself into Illinois state politics.

Just last Sunday, he was on what's left of Meet the Press, telling David Gregory that the Senate gets to seat whomever it so pleases. Said he just wanted to make sure that the man appointed to fill Barack Obama's Senate seat, Roland Burris, isn't tainted by the running scandal that is Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevic.

This is pure hubris, arrogance unchecked, as if grafted straight from the scaly livers of George W. Bush and Dick Cheney. That's all. Nothing to see here...

Reid immediately had to fend off charges of racism from Black-Panther-turned-lawmaker Bobby Rush, and he's been pussyfooting hard ever since California Senator Dianne Feinstein broke ranks and supported Burris. In the meantime, the Land of Lincoln remains under-represented in the Senate.

And for what? Blagojevic (execrable as he may be) has not been indicted, has not been impeached, and has every legal right to make this appointment. For his part, Burris will have to face the electorate in 2o1o, and the people will be the final arbiter in the matter. It's nothing new for him since he's been winning statewide elections since the 197os.

The Republicans obviously hope to make a comeback in a couple of years, and Reid's brand of fecklessness is exactly the sort of wind that fills their sails. An opportunity to gain vital legislative momentum is being wasted amid the Burris tussle, a fact that seems to be lost only on the Democrats.

The nation may indeed see some dramatic changes in the Congress next election, only it won't be Republicans regaining power (we've learned our lesson, thank you very much). It will be new liberals replacing old ones.

With the average age of a U.S. Senator at a near-zenith of 63 years, this transition will seem natural to all except those whose shirts will be so unceremoniously unstuffed.

pH 1.o9.o9