Backyard Talk

November is always the month of surprises, and this one was no different, except that today is Friday the 13th. It should have been no big surprise (although it was) to field a phone call from the reclusive yet reliable Mick the Mechanic.

"Hate to bother you, but I thought I'd call you up and play Devil's Advocate."

Well, you've every right to do so. Go ahead.

"Okay. How come you haven't written anything about this crazy Army guy shooting up Fort Hood?"

Well, for one, everybody else seems to have it covered. Beyond that, some stories, you have to let them... Bake. Ferment. Gestate.

"Got it. So what do you think? Did he do it because he's a crazy Arab terrorist, like everyone's saying?"

I don't know. They ought to ask him. However you slice it, he's still crazy.

"Should the military ban Muslims?"

Only the gay ones... I'm kidding, of course.

"All right, man." (I could tell that the role of DA didn't much suit Mick.) "What's all this noise about the 9/11 terrorists being tried in a New York City courtroom? What happened to Bush's military tribunals?"

What happened to Bush? I don't disagree with what they're doing, and here's why. I was in New York a couple of weeks ago -

"You were?"

Yes. And our tour-bus guide twice mentioned the World Trade Center, and both times he referenced "the murder of 2,750 people." To the people of New York - the victims of 9/11 - it was a crime. Not an act of war; a crime. Besides, nobody has ever escaped from a Supermax prison, so what's the big deal?

"You went and saw Hair, didn't you? On Broadway?"

Yes. (Long, uncomfortable pause.) Anything else?

"Yeah. Does it seem to you that the Republicans are a little too focused on the terrorism stuff, and that the Democrats are kind of not focused enough?"

It almost seems like that. The only variable is that the concerns of conservatives are false. It's just political hay to them. Their only hope to garner any attention in the 2010 election is to frighten people. Good point about the Democrats, by the way.

"So you're saying that they're inflating the Muslim angle in the Fort Hood case, and inflating the terrorist threat in the 9/11 trials, saying their crimes are therefore more serious? That they should be punished more severely because of their religious nature?"

That's not what I'm saying. That's what they're doing. And it's really very funny.

"What's funny about it?"

Just a couple of weeks ago, they were against hate-crimes legislation. John McCain had the most to say about it. Quote: “If this amendment was to become law, police officers and prosecutors would be forced to treat identical crimes differently depending on the police officer or prosecutor’s determination of the political, philosophical, or even religious beliefs of the offender. This is absolutely wrong." But, then, that had to do with -

"There you go with the gays again. I gotta go."

All right, then. Good luck this deer season. Kill one for me.

"Oh, yeah. Or more, if I get the chance."

That's what I still miss the most about Michigan. Hunting. And long, pointless conversations with Mick.

pH 11.13.o9