Everyone is familiar with the alleged phenomena of religious figures appearing in contemporary food products. It is not uncommon for (mostly) normal people to discover Pope John Paul II in a griddle-cake, or the Virgin Mary in a tortilla, or Jesus Himself in a slice of sourdough toast.
I used to find these events somewhat distasteful. After all, seriously religious people know better than to seek out graven images. Such behavior is nothing to admire. Obviously the public, private and parochial schools had all utterly failed to teach physics to Americans.
That all changed for me this morning. Actually, it changed last night, when I consumed several margaritas along with three baskets of chips, salsa, refried beans and guacamole dip. What came about this morning, then, was one of the more prolonged bowel movements of my adult life.
With the patience of a saint, I'll be damned if what I produced did not look exactly like Ronald Wilson Reagan. Call me a new believer, but now I'm forced to wonder just how long the 40th President of the United States has been circulating in my colon. I can only thank God that he is there no longer.
I tried to photograph this true miracle, but it didn't really translate into megapixels. Reagan didn't look like Reagan in 2D; he just looked like a regular old turd.
My only other option would have been to fish him out and have him preserved in laminate. There just wasn't time, so in the end I did what most people would have done without hesitation, and flushed The Gipper down the toilet.
Is there a moral to this fascinating story? Well, in the end, there must be (if nothing more practical than the importance of maintaining a healthy diet). We can look to the Heavens for the answer... Only to notice the gigantic thunderhead that looks suspiciously like Richard Nixon.
pH 9.o2.o9
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